the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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