you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
