I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
