that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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