just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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