God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
