we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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