I wannas sexs uuuuu
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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