Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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