definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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