I cut my penus on the lid.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
