So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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