On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
