i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
