Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
