Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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