i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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