if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
