just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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