I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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