I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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