I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
