Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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