Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
