I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
