i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
