I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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