I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
