was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
