If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
