everyone is single if you try hard enough
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
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