Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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