Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
