I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
