Im at strip club and am horny
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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