His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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