I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
