I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I FOUND THE LEGS
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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