I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
