he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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