Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
