it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
