dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
