I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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