oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
