spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
