I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She's the barista slut.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i think i just lost a toe
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
