You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
