there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
