Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it hurts more in the daytime
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
