cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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