I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
