It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i think my cat just said my name.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
